It's hard to maintain positivity at the moment. Lots of things are not good. Constantly reminding myself that it all could be worse is not helping. I have recently been so down that I considered starting up the misery blog again, but that would be a step back. It's important to keep moving forward, even if it is very slow.
Loneliness is the big problem. It feels like a slow creeping deep freeze. Kind of like those cold misty days that you don't notice at first but gradually starts to pervade your skin and bones until you are numb.
I have been feeling little more than sadness, the ache of loss and then just, numb, in the last month. The retreat of my new friend and lover into his own problematic world and issues has kicked me a bit. The feeling that I have been alone for far too long in the last ten years, is really bringing me down. I feel starved of love and affection, dramatic as it sounds, on a deep level.
I feel myself shrivelling up inside and unable to motivate myself to enjoy anything. To the point that I find no enjoyment in the things I love, can't even be bothered to watch a film. That is not like me.
So I need to keep positive and look forward to when things will change for the better. Because at least I have learnt that, things will change.
